


Sunlight And Memories

by OrmondSacker



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Memories, Pre-Rogue One
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-05
Updated: 2017-02-05
Packaged: 2018-09-22 06:28:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9588746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OrmondSacker/pseuds/OrmondSacker
Summary: Chirrut wants to study his husbands face in the sunlight, but in doing so brings back old, painful memories for Baze.





	

Chirrut loves to look at Baze's face, which is less of an oxymoron than most people think. He just sees with his hands instead of his eyes. But still he knows the sight of his husband's face intimately and he looks at it every time Baze will let him. 

Right now they are reclining on a rooftop, shielded from the wind and warmed by the weak rays of the cool Jedha sun. 

Chirrut runs a finger across Baze's eyebrows, faint and barely there as they are, always have been. The finger continues to his temple and runs along the edge of the hair until it reaches the bushy beard. He lets his fingers play with the long, soft strands. 

When last he saw it with his eyes it was pitch black, but Baze has told him that it is now streaked with grey. His fingers sees how Baze's lips curls into a smile as Chirrut studies him. 

"You're still as beautiful as the day when I first saw you," Chirrut says. 

Baze snorts at his words. 

"Says the man who shone with the radiance of a thousand suns," Baze shoots back. 

It seems today is a good day. Most days Baze don't like being reminded of the past, of the time when he still had his faith, when they were still both Guardians and there was a temple _to_ guard. Chirrut likes those memories, of the younger Baze with his hair short and beard trimmed, that mild, warm look in his eyes. A look that had done what nothing else ever had succeeded in, taming Chirrut Imwe. 

"You remember what a rascal I was when I first came to the temple?" 

"Was? You still are." 

Chirrut shrugs, there is more truth in those words than he likes to admit. Perhaps even Baze didn't tame him fully, but he had softened some of his more scoundrel-like tendencies and still does. 

He lets his hand continue, skimming across Baze's jaw and ghost over the skin of his cheek until they reach the scar beneath the eye. 

Immediately Baze pulls away and sits up, and Chirrut knows that he has stirred old and painful memories. 

"I wish you wouldn't do that." 

"What happened that day was not your fault." 

"Then who's was it? The Force's?" 

Chirrut knows Baze doesn't mean it how it sounds, that they are words spoken of pain, not scorn. 

"No one's." 

He feels Baze's hands on his face, fingers coming to softly rest on Chirrut's now closed eyelids. 

"I should have been me." 

"No. And had you not been there, had you not acted when you did I would not have been blind. I would have been dead. Do you forget that?" 

He feels Baze's hands tremble and reaches up to take them in his. They're coarse and callused from use, the palms softer that the fingertips, protected as they often are by fingers gloves. 

"It should never have happened," Baze says 

The words 'all is as the Force will it' is at the tip of Chirrut's tongue, but he knows they will not offer his husband the comfort he himself finds in them. 

"Perhaps," he says instead. "But it did. And since it did I am happy you saved my reckless skin from further injuries." 

"You were not reckless that day, you were brave." 

"What separates recklessness from courage is success and I failed on that day." 

"You got the people out of that burning building, how is that not succeeding?" Baze says with heat in his voice. 

"At the cost of my sight and nearly my life?" 

He feels Baze's surprise in the way his hands go still and the small gasp that escapes him. Chirrut has argued him into a corner and they both know it, he must either say that what Chirrut was reckless, or accept that what happened was simply the price Chirrut paid for an act of courage. Thus, the blame for what happened is either Chirrut's own or whatever misfortune made a building filled with chemicals break into flame. 

"I should have been there," Baze insists. 

Mentally Chirrut shakes his head. His husband is nothing if not stubborn, it is his most endearing trait as well as his most infuriating one. 

"Try as you might you cannot watch over me every waking minute. My life is my own, the consequences of my actions my own to shoulder." 

"And you risk it too carelessly." 

"Like on that day? Did you find that careless of me?" 

"No." 

"I risked my life that day because I found it reasonable to do so, it cost me my sight and I know it could have cost me more. Given the same choice again I would not change it. Every time I risk my life I have good reason, I do not merely do it out of carelessness and I know that one day I might lose it because of it." 

He feels a shudder run through Baze. 

"I only wish that I am there when it happens, to follow you." Baze's voice is a hoarse whisper. 

"Is that why you always chase after me?" Chirrut asks softly. 

"Yes." 

"Baze, my heart. You have to accept, that there are some things you cannot control." 

"All is as the Force wills it?" Baze doesn't sound derisive when he says it, only sad. 

"If you ask me, yes. Or perhaps they merely are as they are." 

Baze doesn't answer in words, instead he lets go of Chirrut's hands and pulls him into a fierce embrace. Chirrut lets one hand sink into his husband's thick mane of hair, the other coming to rest on Baze's back, feeling the rapidly beating heart beneath the ribs. 

"I will be there." Baze's voice is quiet, but filled with utter conviction and Chirrut has no doubt that he will keep it. Baze always keeps his promises. 

Part of Chirrut is saddened by it, he has no desire to see his own death quickly followed by Baze's, but he knows that that decision is not his to make. As he follows his path, so must Baze follow the one he chooses for himself. 

All is as the Force wills it.  

But the Force does not dictate, does not issue commands, does not strip beings of their own will. Chirrut follows what he believes is its intentions, though he could be wrong. Perhaps Baze for all his denying any faith is its better follower for always picking his own path. That is the paradox of the Force, it is unfathomable even to those who tries to follow its guidance. 

The thought makes Chirrut smile. Baze must have felt it because he holds out Chirrut from his chest and Chirrut can feel his husband studying him. 

"Something amuses you?" 

"A spiritual quandary." 

He needs neither his eyes nor his hands to know that Baze is rolling his eyes. 

"Then your chosen path should provide you with a constant source of amusement." 

"It does," Chirrut replies mildly, knowing that the crisis is past.  

This time.  

It is always there, his faith, Baze's lack of it, a constant course of contention and yet contradictorily also what makes them work. Without it Chirrut is certain they would never have married in the first place, their relationship eventually ending the two of them drifting apart. Another paradox, like the Force itself. 

"Wish to share, you certainly seem entertained," Baze says as he must have seen Chirrut's smile widen. 

"This was not of a spiritual nature, but of an emotional and carnal one." 

"Oh now I really need to hear." 

Chirrut takes Baze's hand again, twinning their fingers. 

"I am yours," he says. 

"And you find that amusing?" 

"Yes. We should not work and yet we do." 

Baze snorts. 

"I'll never be able to follow your sense of humor." 

"Really? You seemed to like that joke about-" 

"Enough," Baze's voice is kind but firm. "I know what you're doing." 

"What am I doing." 

"Distracting me from old memories." 

That hadn't been his motive, but he can go with it. 

"Is it working?" 

"Yes," Baze says reluctantly. 

"Good. You should not dwell on that which you cannot change, it isn't good for you." 

"Oh giving out advice now too, the regular mystic you're becoming." Baze's voice is soft and humerously chiding as he speaks. 

"If you think I talk too much, you know how to shut me up." 

"I don't, why don't you enlighten me?" 

Chirrut takes Baze's face in his hands. 

"Let me see you." 

"That was how this started, maybe not the best idea." 

"No," Chirrut says. "Let me see." He kisses his husband briefly on the lips. "You." 

For one second there is only stunned silence from Baze. 

"It is too damn cold for the up here and I was never an exhibitionist." 

"Then let us return to our dwelling." 

He doesn't call the place they stay home, though they have lived there for year and neither does Baze. It is a place they stay, nothing more. Their home, their only true home now with the Kyber Temple gone are each other. 

"I could add lecherous to your list of flaws," Baze laughs. 

"Do you find it more agreeable than my recklessness?" 

His answer is a warm kiss. Baze rarely initiates intimacy, though he usually enthusiatically reciprocates any that Chirrut starts, so this kiss is a rare treasure and Chirrut savors it in full. 

Baze only slowly pulls away, unwilling to relinquish the tenderness of the kiss and Chirrut takes a few moments to luxuriate in the lingering feel of his husband's lips. Then with a tiny smile he grabs his staff, glides to his feet and holds out his hand to Baze. 

"Come, let's go. The sun is setting anyway, no reason to remain." 

"Is that why we came up here? The sun?" Baze reaches out and takes Chirrut's hand and lets him pull him to his feet. 

"Yes, I wanted to see your face in the sunlight. You look as beautiful in it now as you did when we first met." 

"You can study me more when we get back,"  Baze replies gruffly, but Chirrut doesn’t need eyes or even his hands to see the blush on Baze's face or the pleased and embarrassed smile that plays across his lips. That too have been the same since they first met, every time Chirrut paid him a compliment. Nor has Chirrut's joy in putting it there. 

Chirrut turns on his heel and begins to walk, Baze's heavy foot falling into step beside him, and side by side they walk in silence back to their dwelling as the sun sets over NiJedha. 


End file.
